Hi-Tech High School

Having never been to either one, it's hard to decide which I hate more - Cannes or SXSW. Both of these WorldWide Whack-offs have so much to recommend them.

It's like trying to decide which is more important -- Ads That Never Ran or Things That Will Never Happen.

Well, anyway, if you are going to Awestin for SXSW, here's some actual advice from three "experts" that appeared in Adweek last week about having a successful trip:

"Try to go to the "it" parties as often as a random bar—where there's a lot of interaction and cool stuff going on." 

OMG! Totally awesome! Going to the "it" parties and doing "cool stuff." But do you think I should, like, slow dance with Debbie? Do you think she likes me? I mean, like like?

"...as you collect hundreds of business cards, develop a system so you know which ones you want to follow up with. Either by designating a specific pocket to place follow-up cards, or slightly folding a corner, or marking with a pen..."

Dude, what if you just take your precious fucking business cards and fold 'em five ways and stick 'em where the sun don't shine? How does that system sound?

And, of course, my all-time favorite digi-babbler had the winning entry...

"It's not just about creating buzz around an activation, but it's thinking about the event as a platform to begin to shape the industry and do something future-leaning."

Yeah, I'll get right on that.

But seriously, do these people really live on our planet? What kind of lives do they have that this shit is important to them? This is just the tech-world's brand of Kardashian stupidity.